Sunday, September 23, 2012

Life List Sneak Attack

After posting my life list, I thought I'd have a little space to breathe. The perfectionist in me was excited to have completed, and posted this challenging (for me) task.

The universe laughed.

I posted it all (the whole list) on Wednesday, and on Friday I saw that Brene Brown was speaking in San Francisco (easy life list check off) . Yay,  I am in in the city all the time at least one day out of every 2 on my weekend, was so excited. Upon clicking some links and making some phone calls I found out that she was speaking in Corte Madera - not my comfort zone. What to do?  I'd rather be vulnerable nearer to home - plus I always get lost when I am in/near marin/san rafael, and I end up at my ex boyfriend's house on the way home, 'cause I don't know how to get home from there.... Yuck.

Brene Brown is big for me. Her work has helped me feel hopeful about my mental health, and also  given me context, and tools, to deal with many of the more complicated and ennervating feelings that have occured again and again in my mind and my life.  So not going to see her would have been a vote for the darkness. Even though I wasn't in the mood for the navigational discomfort that would ensue, I was going to try to make it.

I went, I got lost, I was still early, I felt uncomfortable being there alone in a crowd of people who mostly came with at least one, and maybe more friends, family etc. - However,  I was also free to journal, take a ton of notes, cry super hard (she was so right on and amazing) and pretend I was at my own revival meeting, letting out a stray "yes!" and "uh huh!" at different moments. Interestingly, when another loner attendee reached back and patted my leg I thought she was sorry for me, turned out she was was giving me an "amen sister" and had been agreeing with Brene, and me, (quietly) ... Also met a great mother and daughter in line for the signing, and got to talk about loving food - I sometimes end up feeling like I'm too dark for these group gatherings, in this case I felt seen in some profound ways.

Bottom line - glad I went. Still processing, but wanted to throw up an acknowledgement of the event. Sometimes "Daring Greatly" is  just driving to Corte Madera.

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